To My Younger Self

I miss your energy, your snap, your belief that the universe wanted to balance itself toward goodness. That seeing others, and being seen, was enough to turn things around. That a pinprick of light in the darkness was all we needed to keep going. 

You gave me your resilience, and I fought for our place in the sun, for the calm you needed but couldn’t find. Thank you for scrapping your way into the next moment, and the moment after that, until I was strong enough to break the chain. 

You gave me your abundance of hope, and no matter how many times I tried to ignore, stifle and push it away, your hope pulled me up from the depths each time I sank. Thank you for your life line, until I was brave enough to swim the rolling sea and make it to shore. We endured because of you. 

You gave me your irrepressible love, your unguarded affection and kindness. Gentle hands that held my head up, that pulled me forward to our escape. Thank you for liberating me with your golden heart, though we were both terrified. 

You gave me your loyalty - ferocious, valiant, unfailing. Bare knuckled fighter. Thank you for staying by my side, through a thousand nights of dragging on my hands and knees. Thank you for seeing my value in a valueless place, for believing in our worth.

So many times I think I have something to reach back and teach you, but all that I have, the fear I’ve lost and the wisdom I’ve gained, is supported on your young shoulders. My little lioness, I’m indebted to you.